‘One lie is enough to question all the truths.’
Lying is that fundamental part of our lives which is definitely not moral (whatever we preach, we know that we lie) but still has been an everyday activity (it’s almost reflexive) for both men and women. However, science claims that on an average men lie more than women. We will see the top 6 reasons for why do poeple lie.
Psychologists have revealed that the lies that involve deep betrayals of trust occur between people in intimate relationships. In other words you save your biggest lies for the person that you’re closest to (sad!).
Because our romantic relationships and marriages are so rewarding and yet so constrictive. We land up being honest and lying to the same person simultaneously. When someone you trust with all your soul, lies to you, it creates a feeling of confusion and makes you painfully sad. You wonder why?
- Why did someone I trust lie to me?
- Do they not care for me?
- Do they not love me as much as I do?
So let’s see the most common reasons for why people lie (even the most honest ones) .
1. The belief that the other person can’t handle the truth Think of the scenario when a man tells his wife that he would prefer to spend his weekend with his friends having a few drinks or watching a cricket match instead of having a nice romantic dinner with her; she may flip. Oftentimes, women are simply too sensitive to accept the fact that her man has his ‘own’ things to do. And this gives him a feeling that it is wise to utter a little lie instead. If he can tell a little white lie to avoid drama and maintain peace, why would he want to tell you the truth?
Here the man lies not to hurt her, but to save her from getting hurt. Ironically, once the lie is uncovered, it’s not like the woman will go thanking the man from trying to “protect her” from the pain. Instead she is even more hurt, so the logic doesn’t add up. The same holds up for a woman who lies to her husband because she wanted to go clubbing with her office friends!
2. Few people are simply liars! It has to be taken with a pinch of salt that few people have this innate urge to lie. It maybe just out of habit (they are also known as compulsive liars or sociopaths) or just to cover up a mess that they do not want the world to know about. They would not care or simply overlook the damage that the lies can do. They disregard the feelings of others, and when caught, will justify their actions by saying bunch of more lies.
3. They want to impress you by lying about their shortcomings If a person believes that he is not good enough for a job or for your friendship, he will be insecure and he will present a fake front in front of you. Such a person will be unstable and will be tempted to tell unnecessary lies.
An insecure person who lies about trivial things is much more likely to lie about more important things. One should remember that nobody is perfect. If he/she wants the world to accept him/her. Then they have to present themselves the way they are! After all honesty has always been the best policy! And it is one good habit which will negate most of the shortcomings.
4. To cover up a mistake This can be one of the defence mechanisms that humans have adapted to. If a person has committed a mistake (mostly knowingly) and he knows that getting caught will land him up in deep trouble as he will not have a valid justification for his mistake, he will resort to lying. However, liars have an interesting way of twisting things around and putting the blame on the other person or situation. They will pull out thousands of excuses. And also try to justify how their lying was because of a situation which was not under their control. Or their lying was saving you from getting hurt. But one should remember that people lie because they wanted to save their own skin, plain and simple.
This nature is evident even in a small child! The child will lie to avoid getting punished for his mistake. But here one has to remember that the child has yet not developed his consciousness to understand clearly about ill effects of lying. So if he is taught by his elders that lying is a bad habit. We will see a change in him.
5. To avoid doing things that they don’t want to do People will resort to lying to avoid doing undesirable tasks. For example, men mostly avoid doing household chores or errands such as if you ask your husband to pick up a few groceries on his way home from office. He might suddenly have some extra work at office. Or maybe your children conveniently forget to do things such as paying electricity bill, because they know you’ll end up doing it yourself.
6. Past Conditioning Sometimes people have had negative experiences in the past because they told the truth but had escaped the whole drama when they lied about the same thing. Hence, every time a similar kind of situation arises, people will lie!
We cannot control the whole world but we can definitely make a serious effort to ensure that there is no need and place for lies in a marriage or within a family!
To have a truly satisfying relationship, one has to show confidence and understanding so that the other person has the confidence on you and will tell you the truth.
If you want the truth and honesty in a relationship, find a way to reward that behaviour, and not punish it by putting him/her through hell or by nagging them continuously.
People commit mistakes. But if they accept it and are being honest about it. Then it will be better to forgive him and tell him/her not to repeat it.
Truth and honesty bring tremendous strength and power in relationships.
Recommended for you How to deal with people who talk behind your back.
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