Recently I and my husband were having an argument (don’t worry, arguments makes my marriage even more stronger!!) about how frequently he used to call/text me when we weren’t married and how his calls/texts have (almost) vanished now, how his messages are so curt, how he takes forever to reply my messages when he is out of station, i.e why men don’t call often (as expected by their wives/girl friends).
After many such arguments I have realized that men and women are definitely different; but at the same time we constantly try to make the other one similar to us. We assume that what is a reality for a man is also a reality for a women and vice-versa which is not the case and will never be the case.
So let me explain you Why men don’t call often
1. To start with, let me tell you that men do call often. And you would have felt it in the beginning of your relationship. But that lessens (drastically) when the nature of the relationship changes.
This no way means that he doesn’t love you anymore. But this is one habit which is constant with most of the men around the world. You getting frustrated at him for this behavior is not going to be of much help or will not yield any long lasting results (I know it sucks!!).
2. Countless studies have shown that relationship is not a central focus for men. They derive their self-worth from the job that they do or from the work that they contribute to the society. Whereas, women keep their relationship as the central focus of their life.
3. For a man to call up his wife often is a lot of work and effort. Yes, you may not like it but that’s what men feel like. Initially he calls you because he is thinking about you a lot. But once the relationship matures to next level, his focus shifts back to his normal routine.
4. He has other important things to do. Before you take me wrong, and certify men to be insensitive beings, I want to clarify something (from men’s perspective)!! He genuinely has important stuffs to handle and his brain is involved with other matters that are important in his world. When he is involved with something else….he’s not thinking about RELATIONSHIP. In men’s world, Busy has never meant ‘I don’t love you’. You do not have to compare yourself with his job!
5. Biologically men are wired to operate visually. Men have been programmed for thousands of generations to operate visually and (NOT by their auditory senses). Conversation on the phone is an auditory act and he isn’t capable to adjust with it as well as a woman can. So men do not call often (like women want).
Men use the phone usually to get some job done. That job could be anything from his work or it can be to organise a dinner date with you. Once the job is done, the phone conversation is not ‘that’ alluring to him.
6. Every time he does call you, you sound pissed because he din’t call you as many times as you wanted him to. After the phone conversation he feels terrible. And if this happens frequently, he’ll end up avoiding calling you at all (Irony!!).
Unconsciously men do not value phone calls as much as women do. He has no idea (None exactly!!) that the number of calls and messages are being so constantly and minutely (over) analysed by his wife/girl friend.
7. I am sure women have no wrong intent when they take hours to get ready for a party or when they aren’t sure about their outfit before the party. Similarly, men have no bad intent when he forgets to call his wife. It’s just that you are being a woman and he is being a man. His forgetting to call you is as innocent as you making him late to reach the party on time.
8. Men measure the depth of a relationship as per the quality time that he spends with his partner and not by the number of calls/texts that he exchanges with somebody.
9. Men believe in actions more than words. Yes of course there are men who make tall claims to get what they want from you (Because men intuitively know that words matter for women). So even if the man isn’t calling you very often, it is more important to pay attention to his actions (if you want to know your worth in his life).
How to persuade men to call often
Once you do this, he will have a sense of satisfaction and not feel like a terrible person who didn’t call all this time.
I truly believe that for a committed relationship to work, both people must put each other first. Or else the other starts to feel ignored. This becomes a serious issue. With TIME every couple comes to know about the requirements of each other. Man will come to know that his calls/texts are precious of the wife and wife will feel less frustrated because of him not calling as she understands his commitments.
Men aren’t women!!
Have a wonderful and lovely journey ahead ladies!! Good luck!
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